How I handled a crisis
What follows is another post I wrote whilst staying on a psychiatric ward for most of November. I apologise for the delay in posting but with a combination of internet problems and not being in a good place, I’ve struggled to keep this blog up-to-date. My last 2 posts https://brokenglassshimmers.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/off-the-radar/ and https://brokenglassshimmers.wordpress.com/?p=808&preview=true&preview_id=808 will help to fill you in on some of the background.
How I manage a crisis can be seen in both a positive and negative light, especially at the moment as I write this post from my room in a psychiatric ward.
Many would assume that being here is a sign that I’ve failed to cope in the ‘real world’. I couldn’t cope with the obstacles that littered my path. I became desperate for a way out, however final.
Many people see weakness because I couldn’t handle an ‘ordinary’ life. They think that I should toughen up, pull myself together and remember that there are others far worse off than me. If only recovery was as simple as that.
Anyway, how I have managed this crisis hasn’t been completely negative. I stubbornly refused to give up reaching out for help and I’ve generally been very honest and open about the difficulties that I face. As a result I’m in the safest place that I can be right now. I’m learning from staff and other patients and more likely to get the help that I so desperately need (although of course nothing is guaranteed).
I have engaged with everyone who has offered me advice and support, however painful it has been at times. Of course there are things that I wish I could have done differently, like abstaining from self-harm, but instead of focussing on the failures I need to focus on my achievements, however small and insignificant they may sometimes seem to myself and others.
I always thought that being admitted to a psychiatric hospital would spell the end for me but now I am beginning to wonder if it is just the start of a new way of learning how to successfully manage my crises. That doesn’t mean that I’ll never slip up again but it does mean that I have more of a chance of successfully fighting back when times are tough.
Meeting the people that I’ve met whilst in hospital, I’ve recognised that instead of psychiatric hospital being a sign of weakness, some of the strongest, bravest people I’ve ever met are here, generally taking responsibility for the fact that they need more intensive support with their mental illness.
I hope that this helps to challenge the stigma of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital. That people who have stereotypes and misconceptions, or those who want to be able to understand better, will be helped by this. The reason I am so honest in my blog now, is because I’m tired of worrying about what other people will think of me. I’m tired of living a lie. If any of this makes sense to anyone, or you want to find out more, please get in touch either via Twitter @spursbythebeach , commenting or emailing firstname.lastname@example.org .