How I handled a crisis

What follows is another post I wrote whilst staying on a psychiatric ward for most of November. I apologise for the delay in posting but with a combination of internet problems and not being in a good place, I’ve struggled to keep this blog up-to-date. My last 2 posts https://brokenglassshimmers.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/off-the-radar/ and https://brokenglassshimmers.wordpress.com/?p=808&preview=true&preview_id=808 will help to fill you in on some of the background.

How I manage a crisis can be seen in both a positive and negative light, especially at the moment as I write this post from my room in a psychiatric ward.

Many would assume that being here is a sign that I’ve failed to cope in the ‘real world’. I couldn’t cope with the obstacles that littered my path. I became desperate for a way out, however final.

Many people see weakness because I couldn’t handle an ‘ordinary’ life. They think that I should toughen up, pull myself together and remember that there are others far worse off than me. If only recovery was as simple as that.

Anyway, how I have managed this crisis hasn’t been completely negative. I stubbornly refused to give up reaching out for help and I’ve generally been very honest and open about the difficulties that I face. As a result I’m in the safest place that I can be right now. I’m learning from staff and other patients and more likely to get the help that I so desperately need (although of course nothing is guaranteed).

I have engaged with everyone who has offered me advice and support, however painful it has been at times. Of course there are things that I wish I could have done differently, like abstaining from self-harm, but instead of focussing on the failures I need to focus on my achievements, however small and insignificant they may sometimes seem to myself and others.

I always thought that being admitted to a psychiatric hospital would spell the end for me but now I am beginning to wonder if it is just the start of a new way of learning how to successfully manage my crises. That doesn’t mean that I’ll never slip up again but it does mean that I have more of a chance of successfully fighting back when times are tough.

Meeting the people that I’ve met whilst in hospital, I’ve recognised that instead of psychiatric hospital being a sign of weakness, some of the strongest, bravest people I’ve ever met are here, generally taking responsibility for the fact that they need more intensive support with their mental illness.

I hope that this helps to challenge the stigma of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital. That people who have stereotypes and misconceptions, or those who want to be able to understand better, will be helped by this. The reason I am so honest in my blog now, is because I’m tired of worrying about what other people will think of me. I’m tired of living a lie. If any of this makes sense to anyone, or you want to find out more, please get in touch either via Twitter @spursbythebeach , commenting or emailing brokenglassshimmers@hotmail.co.uk .

About brokenglassshimmers

I’m 30 and have BPD and arthritis. This website will detail how I deal with my health issues, reading and writing. I am in the process of writing books and I will keep you posted about how that is going. I also want to run an online book club and writer’s circle. Please feel free to comment on the site and to let me know if there are any improvements or changes you would like to see. If you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact me.

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